If you feel like your husband is a controlling person (or worse off – a controlling partner), you’ve come to the right place.
Here, my intention is to shed some light on the wicked ways of a controlling man, explore the lengths to which their controlling behavior goes and point out the red flags of emotional abuse and verbal abuse.
The first important thing to note is that it’s never the victim’s fault.
Therefore, if you’re in a situation where your controlling spouse is severely diminishing your self-esteem, keeping you away from spending time with friends and family, and keeping tabs on you full time, know that you’re in a controlling relationship.
You’re probably slowly starting to uncover the deeply hidden truths about your controlling husband that you never noticed before.
You may have come to the realization that you’re in an abusive relationship where it’s only a matter of time before the police are called for domestic violence.
This is where it ends. This is where you put your physical and emotional well-being first and take control of your destiny.
This is where the controlling ways of your problematic husband cease to diminish, belittle, and hurt you.
Keep reading to find out everything you need to know about controlling relationships, signs to look out for, and how to gain back your self-esteem and your life!
Wicked Ways Of A Controlling Husband
At the beginning of your courtship, this person who is now in control of your life presented himself as a sweet, charming, empathetic, and kind gentleman who wanted to treat you like the queen that you are.
You fell for his act because it’s easier to believe there are still decent humans out there than to be a perpetual skeptic who keeps sabotaging her relationships from the get-go.
But what you weren’t aware of is that he was actually a manipulative individual who was playing a game that was about to rock your world – in all the wrong ways.
He used to be beyond caring and nurturing. He put your needs first and always made sure you were taken care of, both emotionally and physically.
He never told you what to do and he never acted in a controlling manner.
He was a perfect gentleman, such as those you read about in fairy-tales. Your future seemed so bright and the sky was your limit.
Things genuinely felt like they were finally clicking… until your relationship got more serious and his behavior completely shifted.
Once you were legally his wife, you slowly started noticing little ways in which he was micromanaging and controlling you.
It was never anything major so as not to put you on notice.
You would always tell yourself “that’s just marriage” and shrug it off. But he started getting eerily disturbing and verbally abusive, as if you were somehow doing something wrong.
Your social life slowly started to suffer, you weren’t allowed to make your own decisions, and you spent a lot of time crying in the privacy of your own room, asking yourself what’s happening here.
You weren’t sure what to do and how to confront him about this. After all, he was still your husband, but it was as if his mask was finally falling off and his true face was out in the open.
You’ve finally come to the realization – the man you married is no longer the man you fell in love with.
And it’s finally time to admit to yourself that this person is disturbing your mental health, affecting your relationship with your family members, and controlling your life from day one.
Don’t wait for him to resort to physical violence.
There is a help hotline you can always turn to that will come to your aid in these situations. Physical abuse is NEVER okay.
Here are the signs of a controlling husband to look out for.
If this is your reality, let this be the last time he’s put you through the wringer and get help from your loved ones on your way to get as far away from him as possible.
7 Major Signs To Look Out For
1. Isolation from your family members and friends
This starts gradually and very subtly. At first, you don’t even take notice of it.
He genuinely seems to like your mom and dad, he loves your relationship with your best friend, and he has extreme respect for your siblings.
Then one day, completely out of the blue, he starts complaining that you spend way too much time at your parents’.
He suggests that you should visit them less and spend more time at home with him.
The first time he mentioned that, you actually thought he had a point and listened to his advice, believing he truly wanted to nurture your healthy relationship – until he started pushing you further and further away from your loved ones and made a big deal out of any visit to them, which has now become so rare.
He says he knows what’s best for you and you should listen to him, but you’re starting to get scared that he’s going to push you over the edge with his controlling behavior and by limiting your time with your family.
You feel more isolated than ever and completely backed into a corner. What to do?
2. Perpetual criticism of every little thing that you do
This also starts as a small, insignificant thing on your husband’s part. Perhaps he feels like you should wear a little less revealing clothes, so as not to get a cold.
If you fix him lunch, he rarely says thank you but rather always has a remark in place for something you could be doing better.
His constant belittling and criticizing is causing you to develop a severely low self-esteem and you are scared to attempt doing anything as you always end up micromanaged and put on blast.
And it has started to get worse and worse. Now, he doesn’t even mince his words.
He straight-up raises his voice at you for every little thing he claims you’re doing wrong.
It has become the dynamic of your relationship, and it makes you feel small, incapable, worthless, and unheard.
In your husband’s eyes, you just can’t seem to do anything right and your relationship is becoming your worst nightmare.
3. Subtle threats on his part
Your husband has started threatening to do serious harm to either you or himself if you even consider leaving or telling anyone what’s happening.
He is emotionally and verbally pressuring you to stay by his side, because if you don’t, who knows what he might resort to.
Emotional manipulation is just as threatening as the physical kind and this should never be tolerated.
You are not in charge of his actions. You are not at fault if he chooses to engage in illicit behavior.
Never condone his controlling manipulation to get you to stay in an abusive relationship.
If he threatens to cut you off financially, take your credit cards and keep them on your person.
If you have children and he uses them as a bargaining tool, alert the police if necessary and place your children with your trusted family members.
These threats are a serious issue that can have severe consequences.
Make sure you leave him little to nothing to work with and leave him to his own malicious and controlling ways. He can fight his own battles.
4. Making his love conditional
”I really love you, but if you could lose that extra weight, you would look even sexier and more attractive to me.”
”You’re doing great, but I would love you even more if you made more sales at work.”
These are just a few examples of a love that is conditional on his part.
They all scream the same message: You are not good enough. He may mask his true sentiment with carefully chosen words, but you know what he really means.
A guy who loves you would never put this pressure on you.
He is emotionally abusing you by showing you how much he doesn’t appreciate you. If you did better, he would love you more.
If you made more money, you’d be a better partner. Those are all wicked mind games by a disturbed individual who is controlling your love and putting unneeded pressure on you.
When a man genuinely loves you, he shows you that, regardless of your financial status and your weight. You are simply enough.
But a controlling husband will slyly try to get you to check all of his boxes to become his ”perfect” wife.
5. Zero signs of reciprocity
In a healthy relationship, it is common for partners to look out for each other and build each other up when one partner is feeling down.
There is no keeping tabs and everything is done out of pure love and appreciation.
But a controlling husband is watching you like a hawk.
If he did something nice for you, he demands something in return as soon as possible.
If you made a mistake of any kind, he will keep holding it over your head as a tool to get away with his problematic behavior.
He uses any opportunity you give him to keep score and get himself off the hook for any past and/or future misdoing.
This is a clear-as-day sign of an abusive relationship.
When you’re never at peace and always have to wonder how your husband is going to use something against you, it’s clear you’re with the wrong person.
A controlling man will never stop. Whichever malicious thing he did to you last, his only goal is to top that the next time.
Watch out for his behavior and choose to see it for what it is: toxic, manipulative control of your life with the goal of getting you to be submissive.
Show him what a strong woman you are by not letting this fly and getting yourself out of that unstable relationship.
6. Using guilt to get you to do something
An obvious sign of controlling behavior is using guilt as a way to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with at all.
People make mistakes; it’s a fact of life.
Those who hold our mistakes over our head in order to use them against us are sociopaths whose only goal is to get their way by any means necessary.
To guilt you into doing something you’re not okay with is to emotionally abuse you and point fingers at you should you refuse to abide by their rules.
It is mentally exhausting, deceptive, manipulative, and evil, and if you’re in a relationship with a person who engages in this type of behavior, you are in dire need of getting out of that toxic environment.
Never give him the power to control your mind.
Never let his evil ways get you to crumble under his unwavering pressure. Say no to him and firmly stand your ground.
You are your own person, you are capable of making your own decisions, and this type of mental abuse is not acceptable from this moment on. Show him he has no power over you and never let him manipulate you again.
You know the red flags to look out for now, and leaving has never been this easy.
7. Jealousy and accusatory paranoia
Your husband has started manifesting some seriously disturbing signs of unsubstantiated paranoia that is resulting in jealous outbursts and an accusatory tone whenever you say something he doesn’t agree with.
Sometimes, a healthy dose of jealousy is fine because you are flattered by your partner’s affection toward you.
But when that jealousy turns into false accusations and unsubstantiated paranoia, that’s when you have a problem.
When it becomes scary, possessive, and toxic, it means he’s no longer coming from a loving place, but rather a manipulative one, and his only goal is to put you down and get your submission.
Has your husband ever accused you of sleeping with or seducing an individual who was just a friend/coworker?
Have you been accused of doing things that were completely fabricated and based on zero evidence?
If so, your husband has serious control issues and his manipulative behavior is causing your emotional downfall.
Nurture your mental health and step away from anyone who is verbally shredding you to pieces.
That is not love; it’s a possessive need for power and control.
Recognize it for what it is and turn to friends and family in order to get your well-being back to where it was prior to meeting him.
Need For Control As A Personality Disorder
Lots of controlling husbands develop a personality disorder that controls their impulses and causes them to behave in such an erratic, vicious manner.
This means that their behavior stems from a controlling, malicious, exploitative place based on ego, impulse, and the need for attention. There isn’t a healthy shred of emotion in them.
They are unable to feel sympathy or empathy and you can forget about them being understanding toward you.
There are three main types of people with these characteristics who end up being the controlling spouse in 90 percent of these instances: sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists.
Here, we’ll examine each one individually to shed some light on these men and help you see that your closest person might fit into this perfectly, without you having a clue.
1. A sociopath as a controlling husband
A sociopath as a husband is one with no conscience.
Sociopaths are experts at living their life doing bad things and feeling zero guilt about them. This is how they get away with it so easily.
There is no guilty conscience eating away at them, making them seem seem suspicious and malicious.
They are wired completely differently from you and me, which allows them to do messed up stuff and always get away with it.
It is challenging and hard to realize you are married to a sociopath because they hide their true faces so expertly well.
They are convincingly charming and make friends very easily.
Sociopaths have the ability to read people easily and assess their major weaknesses early on, and then use them to their advantage.
They are very persuasive and possess a dominating nature, but know just how to manipulate their victim into wanting to be subservient to them.
This means that your entire relationship is fake.
They’ve manipulated your emotions from the first time they saw you, got you where they wanted you by controlling your weak points, and then charmed their way into your life.
Now, this sociopath is your husband and you’re just now realizing that you’ve married a monster.
Every emotion that you thought was real, every kind gesture on their part, and everything they did was carefully planned.
He got you where he needed you and now you are finally onto his controlling ways and adamant to get out of this charade before it goes any further.
2. A psychopath as a controlling husband
The scariest thing about psychopaths is that they so easily blend in with their environment, that they can go unnoticed for a really long time. This means you may be surrounded by psychopaths and you wouldn’t even know – they’re THAT good.
A psychopath as a husband is one of the scariest things. He has no remorse, no sense of right and wrong, and does as he pleases with zero guilt.
A psychopath can do basically the most brutal thing in secret and then come home to you with a smile asking what’s for dinner.
And you’d have no idea about his ”extracurricular activities.’. Frightening.
Psychopaths can spend their entire lifetimes pretending to be someone they’re not. They can get married, buy a house in the suburbs, start a family, and get a regular job.
They fake an entire life in front of your eyes, and in their privacy they give in to their sick indulgence and vicious thoughts.
Your controlling husband may very well be a psychopath exactly for the reasons of being so good at hiding it.
Does he say whatever he wants and never seem to feel bad about it at all?
Does he do questionable things that you feel any ”normal” person should never do with a clear conscience?
Don’t kid yourself any longer. Listen to your gut feeling; it’s rarely wrong.
Psychopaths are incapable of feeling empathy and remorse. If this sounds like your husband, run for your life.
Don’t let his mask fool you. Trust his fierce temper. Believe him when he scolds you – when he unleashes his brutal tyrannic alter ego on you.
THAT’s the real him. That’s the guy you married. And now is the time to see him for who he really is and stop being a victim of his controlling ways.
3. A narcissist as a controlling husband
A narcissist as a controlling partner is a common occurrence that you should be aware of.
In some ways, a narcissist is similar to a sociopath, with an added flare for attention and always needing to be in the center of it.
What I’m talking about here is the narcissistic supply that a narcissist feeds off of.
A narcissist will easily seduce you and sweet-talk you into surrender, because he knows that once you’re under his spell, he can do as he pleases with you.
Now, I know it’s difficult imagining your husband as such a man, but at this point I truly believe that you wouldn’t even be reading this if one of these three didn’t pertain to your controlling spouse, am I right?
The thing about narcissists is that they have a very fragile ego.
If you go around accusing them of their misdeeds, they are very likely to point fingers at you and accuse you of doing that very thing.
They cannot stand having their ego and intentions questioned. It makes them crumble on the inside.
They need their charade to go on so as to easily disarm you, charm you, and hook you for life.
But I know that any strong, smart woman will be able to see through this after having informed herself, and kick this malicious coward to the curb.
And once you do, you’ll start undoing the horrible damage this wicked individual has inflicted upon you.
Lesson learned. It’s time to take control of your own life back.
How To Handle This And Leave For Good
1. Don’t let him isolate you
The first step to handling a controlling spouse is by not letting him dominate your precious time with your loved ones.
Speak up for yourself and don’t let his controlling behavior fly. If you wish to go out with your best friend, then go out.
Let him know you’re entitled to your life and if he has a problem with that, he is free to leave at any time.
Inform your family of how he’s making you feel and let them know that if you’re in any way distant from them, it’s all because of him.
They surely won’t let this go on, and they will take necessary measures to ensure your safety.
The more you speak up, the less likely he is to remain in control over your life.
2. Don’t let his harsh criticism make you doubt yourself
Every time he starts micromanaging and criticizing every little thing you do, quietly remind yourself that you’re strong, capable, and fierce.
Whatever evil thing he says is merely a reflection of his own low self-esteem that he’s projecting on you.
Don’t let him make you doubt any of your divine qualities.
You are a great person, deserving of much more than such a controlling monster, and hopefully this will help you realize that and get out.
Emotional abuse is a heavy burden to bear alone, so let your family and friends help you heal.
3. Don’t let his guilt-tripping affect you internally
Always remain aware that this is only a tool in his sadistic drawer of bullshit that he uses to get his desired result.
You are not guilty of anything. You didn’t inflict this upon yourself and nobody deserves this treatment.
Be true to who you are. Know yourself better than he wants you to. He needs your guilt to feed off. Never give him the pleasure.
Remain calm to his callous provocations and observe his reaction.
Once you confront him and stand your ground, he will start seeing that he’s not up to this task.
He’ll realize that he bit off more than he can chew and his controlling reign will slowly let up.
4. Bravely walk away from this toxic hell
Walking away from a controlling husband who is likely suffering from a personality disorder is not an easy task.
Domestic violence in any shape and form is unacceptable and sickening.
It all starts with baby steps. Confide in your nearest and dearest. Talk to a licensed psychologist.
Talk your emotional nightmare over and slowly start regaining your old self.
Once you choose to be brave enough to let him go, the pieces of the puzzle will slowly start reconnecting.
Remember that for as long as you’ve got your solid support system, this narcissistic scum has nothing on you.
Stay close to those who emotionally fulfill you and heal your body, mind, and soul.